Dancers searching for validation in video likes, auditions, being chosen at socials.
Teachers starting to teach way too early showing up to shine, not to let students learn.
Dance schools building social media dancers, not skilled dancers.
Dance events hiring toxic artists just because they're famous.

Those are just examples...

I know that when I tell you, it might not make sense at first.

Because until now, we've been looking at symptoms. Surface-level fixes.
Not the actual core of why we are stuck, lost, running with no direction...not just as dancers, but as humans.

Here's what connects all of it:

The missing foundation. The relationship with self.

So we built everything: confidence, boundaries, discipline, technique...on top of nothing. And that's why nothing holds.

No one ever taught us that this was supposed to be the base. Not our parents. Not our teachers. Not our dance instructors.

Everything we were ever taught pointed outward. Never disappoint our parents. Get the grade. Get the partner. Get the approval. Get the placement.

So we built our entire sense of self on things outside of us. And then we wonder why nothing feels stable.

So we built everything: confidence, boundaries, discipline, technique...on top of nothing. And that's why nothing holds.

No one ever taught us that this was supposed to be the base. Not our parents. Not our teachers. Not our dance instructors.

Everything we were ever taught pointed outward. Never disappoint our parents. Get the grade. Get the partner. Get the approval. Get the placement.

So we built our entire sense of self on things outside of us. And then we wonder why nothing feels stable.

I've been dancing since I was 7. Ballroom. Contemporary. Funky.

Than salsa. Bachata. A bit of kizomba. Zouk.

I learned the lesson the hard way.

Dance taught me discipline. It taught me technique. It taught me how to train my body. And I will be forever grateful for it, because it is important!

But it also taught me that winning = worthy. That being chosen = valuable. That external validation was the only proof I mattered.

Competition ate me alive. And when I struggled, no one ever said "you need a better relationship with yourself." They said "you need to be more resilient. More confident. You're way too weak"

But resilience and confidence were never the problem. People actually loved me when I was on stage...

No one: not my parents, not my teachers, not my dance instructors, ever taught me that my relationship with myself was supposed to be the base.

Not at home, where my worth & love was conditional.
Not at school, where I was measured by grades.
Not in dance, where I was measured by placements.

The problem was that I had no foundation to build them on.

So I built everything on top of nothing. And it kept collapsing.

HOW LACK OF SELF-RELATIONSHIP SHOWS UP